Some fun ways to torment Itachi!
by FullMetalPrincess
Summary: Title gives you a clue...Rated T for Itachi's foul mouth, some violence and more than a little bit of crack.
1. Poor, poor, Itachikun

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Yogos, Blood and Chocolate, Family Guy, John Tucker Must Die, The Dr. Pepper company, Neko-chan, or a pair of very shiny scissors.

_Hi there! I'm Lizzy. My OC is Rizu. She's going to be annoying Itachi with the list that was made by x-Orange.Neko-x. The list is all hers; I just use it to bug the crap out of Itachi. I will try to make it funny. I'm going to stop talking so I can start the chapter!_

**#1:Cut his hair and sell it to a wig shop!**

"Heh, he's sleeping! Perfect!" Rizu took out her shiny scissors (which she bought just for this moment!) and snipped Itachi's pretty long black hair! Gasp! She was walking away with the hair to the wig shop, located conveniently next to the Itachi's hiding place. She strode through the door, making a bell ring. "Hello, how much will you pay me for an Uchiha's hair?" The old man smiled at her and said, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." Rizu's face was…like this O0. "Ummmm…Ok…So, how much can I get for this?" The old guy started to laugh hysterically. "Oh, no, little boy! I don't sell baking soda!" Rizu began to twitch madly. "I'm not a boy! And I don't want any baking soda! I want to know how much you'll pay me for Uchiha Itachi's hair!!!!" The old dude blinked twice, "You think you're not a boy? You poor, confused little man!" Rizu growled and stormed out of the shop, slamming into something that was hard an unpleasantly warm… "Oh, crap…hi, Itachi-kun…" Itachi kept a straight face, looking hard into Rizu's blue eyes. "Rizu-sama, do you want to tell me how and why you're holding my hair?" Rizu shook her head vigorously, "No! No! No! It's not what you think! I-" Poor Rizu was cut off by Itachi's hand being clamped over her mouth. "Never mind, just never touch my hair again." "You've got my word!" They parted ways to go sleep. Rizu still kept Itachi's hair though; just so she could show it to Sasuke later and tell him she knew Itachi's whereabouts. Itachi went home and cried for three hours on the phone to Kisame about Rizu being 'a big stupid meanie-head who cut off his beautiful hair' then forgot all about it and went to watch Family Guy.

**#2:Pour Dr. Pepper on him! And #3:Eat cookies and refuse to give him any!**

After the tragic incident with Itachi's hair, Rizu stopped by a soda machine on her way to Itachi's place. "Yay! Dr. Pepper!" She quickly pulled out two dollars and fed one to the machine, hitting the Dr. Pepper button. The soda came out and she did the same thing again. "One for me, and one for Itachi-kun!" She then marched off to Itachi's house. When she got there, she walked right into his room without bothering to knock. "ITACHI! I GOT YOU DR. PEPPER!" She screamed into his ear. He whacked her over the head with a book that read _Murder techniques for Dummies. _"Owie! Just for that, I'm not giving you your soda!" Rizu opened the bottle and poured its contents onto Itachi. "Hey! What the heck was that for?!" Rizu proceeded to open her bottle and pour it onto Itachi's lap, making him scream like a little kid. "These are my favorite pants!"

"You deserved it, Itachi-kun." He sighed and went to change his pants. When he came back, Rizu was eating cookies watching J_ohn Tucker Must Die_. "Rizu-sama, toss me a cookie."

"No." Rizu said.

"Please?" Itachi tried

"No." She said again

"Why not?"

"Because, they're mine."

"If I give you a hug, can I have a cookie?"

"Nope." She refused

"10 dollars?"

"Uh-uh." She declined his offer.

"I'll beg."

"Roll over." He did, he rolled over, twice. "Can I have a cookie now?"

"I never said I'd give you a cookie for that." She told him. He gave up and stomped out of the room in a huff. Rizu shrugged and went back to watching the movie just when Kate says, _"We were trying to break your heart."_ And then John says, _"Well, you did it."_ Rizu had anime-style tears streaming down her face. Rizu got up to find Itachi. He was sitting on the couch eating Yogos reading _Blood and Chocolate_. "Hey…" She said. He ignored her. So, she stole his book and read the page. Itachi continued to eat Yogos.

**#4:Tell him he looks like a penguin!**

One day Itachi was in a tuxedo and Rizu came over. She informed him that he looked like a penguin and she ended up in a hospital. I'd explain how, but it's too violent, bloody, profanity filled, and I'm trying to keep this story's rating T.

**#5:Ask him if he's gay until he says yes!**

"Itachi-kun…I have a question. It's kind of personal, but I have to know and you need to be honest, alright?" Rizu said, not looking him in the eye. Itachi tilted his head, "What is it?" Rizu blushed a bit and suddenly found the carpet very interesting. "Um, well, you see, um…are you…Gay?" Itachi began to yell and shout, making Rizu cover her ears. If you cut out all the swear words, you'd get, "No, where did you get that idea from?" Rizu blushed again, "Um, nowhere. Sorry, Itachi-kun."

The next day, Rizu approached Itachi once more. "Itachi-kun! Are you sure you're not gay?" The yelling started, but Rizu pulled earmuffs out of her non-existent pockets and blocked out the sound. Unfortunately, she was unable to hear his answer, so she walked to Neji's house and stole his diary and read it to Tenten and the Neji fangirls at story time.

The question "Are you gay?" was asked to Itachi so many times (Don't ask how many, I can't count that high!) that he finally cracked saying, "Yes, I'm gay! Happy?!?!"

Rizu had shrieked in terror and ran away, leaving Itachi to be angry and embarrassed.

**#6&7:Paint his nails bright pink and stick sparkly flowers on them!**

It was Tuesday, the day Itachi re-painted his nails. This Tuesday was different; Rizu had crashed in his bed last night, (He couldn't let her sleep on the couch, he's a ((Kind of)) gentleman for Pete's Sake!) after a massive sugar rush she kind of passed out on his bed. So, she was over and begging him to let her paint his nails. "Please, oh, please, please, PLEASE!" "Fine!" "Yay!" She brought out an unlabeled bottle and began to apply the liquid inside to his nails, telling him not to look until she was done. Itachi watched TV for 30 minutes until Rizu released his hands and said, "You can look now! I worked really hard on them!" Itachi gave a bored glance to his nails, expecting the same dull color as usual. Sadly, his fading vision did not see red. It was pink, bright, neon, happy, girly, peppy, pink! Did I mention it was pink? What was worse, Rizu had taken the liberty to stick sparkly flowers on them. The stunned Uchiha was unable to say anything. The reason being he passed out on the floor… "Itachi-kun?" Rizu poked him with a piece of lead (The kind that you use for pencils.) and it broke, so she did it again and it broke again. She continued this action through 2 cases of lead. After that, she got bored and drew on Itachi's face with permanent marker then went home. Itachi awoke 4 hours later with a horrible headache. He went to find Rizu so he could get revenge… "Oops, I nearly forgot my awesome cloak of evilness is at Rizu's house…"

**#8:Burn his cloak.**

"Rizu-sama! Are you home? I need to pick up my clo-" He trailed off as he saw flames flickering from Rizu's fireplace, one that had never previously been there. She was roasting marshmallows over it. "Hi Itachi-kun! Come have a marshmallow!" He sat down next to her and rotated the tasty white creation over the fire when he caught sight of something in the fire, caught on the edge of the containment gate (I don't know what those things are called; they keep the fire from spreading.) "  
"Rizu-sama…is that…my cloak, by chance?" She nodded, stuffing the delicious treat into her mouth. "I thought you could use a new wardrobe." The sharingan user first turned red, then twitched a few times, then cried out, "WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!!?!" Rizu remained calm and shrugged her shoulders. She swallowed the marshmallow. "Because I get bored. You aren't the only one. Just last week I shaved Gaara's eyebrows and blamed it on Rock Lee." Itachi sat there and stared at her, compared to him, she looked totally normal. Black hair, blue eyes, shorts and a T-shirt that said 'I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.' Written on it. He was still in his Pj's, which were just his boxers, and a blue-gray T-shirt, uneven, choppy black hair. And bright pink nails with sparkle flowers. "What are you looking at?" "You really, truly, honestly, hate me, don't you?" Rizu glomped him, "Naw! I just LOVE to make you suffer!" Itachi was really starting to think about killing her, but couldn't do so for some unknown force (That'd be me!) was keeping him from committing the murder of his best friend for a second time.

Yeah, Sorry about the random stupidity here…I'm stressed out, the new school year is only 3 days in and I'm already sick of it. Eighth grade is hard –sweat drops- I admit I'm not the best student. Personally, I find this chapter to suck because I am tired. Neko-chan! Thanks lots for letting me use your list .I hope I didn't do anything with it you wouldn't have liked me to. Lemme know if you guys like it! Thanks for reading and ALL reviews are accepted, Anonymous, signed, flames, everything! So, you have no excuse as to why you didn't review other than laziness or your computer doesn't let you because of a pop up blocker. (In this case, hold the Ctrl key while pressing the review button and ta-da!) OK, I'm done. I still have to do numbers 9-30. If you want me to continue, tell me and I will. Again, all credit for the list goes to x-Orange. Neko-x. 


	2. Oh, Yay! More Joy!

Hi everyone! If you're reading this, it probably means that you bothered to read the first chapter! Yay! I love you guys. Especially Neko-Chan (AKA x-Orange. Neko-x)! All credit for the list goes to her! Please enjoy!

**#9: ****Taunt his Mangekyo Sharingan by saying the Byakugan is WAAAAAYY better!**

Rizu was just walking her dog, Chiganata, in the park on a sunny day when Itachi, who had been forced into coming, asked, "Rizu-sama, what color do you think a Hyuga's eyes would be if they didn't have the byakugan?" Chiganata growled at Itachi, as he did every time he spoke and Rizu answered, "I don't know, but what I do know is that the Byakugan is WAAAY better than your stupid Sharingan!" An anger mark ticked in Itachi's cheek. "Shut up, Rizu-sama! That is a lie!" Chiganata growled again. "Oh, I really don't think so, Itachi-kun. We all know that the mangekyo sharingan sucks!"

"SHUT UP! NO IT DOESN'T! IT ROCKS! YOU'RE JUST A BI-" Chiganata bit his leg, hard. Blood gushed out and Rizu sighed as Itachi began screaming about her crazy dog. This resulted in Itachi being bitten, again. "Idiot…" The blue-eyed girl mumbled, pulling her canine off of Itachi. Itachi limped home and somehow, over night his leg was magically healed by some mystic force (Me ;3) and was completely all right the next day. He woke up the next morning to the ringing of his cell phone. He yawned as Emo Kid by Adam and Andrew started to play. "Moshi moshi" He picked up, grumbling into the phone's receiver. "Oh, OK. I'll be fine alone. No! Please, don't send Tobi. I can do it _alone._ OK, thank you, sir. Bye." He went back to sleep for two hours before his phone started to ring again, this time with Rizu's ring tone, the one she programmed to play every time she called (which was quite a lot) "Sunshine and lollipops and rainbows and everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together. Brighter than a lucky penny when-" Itachi picked it up, irritated at the awful song. "What is it, Rizu-sama…Then why did you call me? It is 4 am, you realize this correct? … Mission to the Sand village. … No, sorry, I can't take you. Rizu … Rizu! … Don't cry! Grr… I'll talk to you Monday!" He clicked the phone shut and fell back asleep.

Rizu was ticked off that Itachi wouldn't let her come with him to the Sand. "He didn't say not to follow him!" So, she got out an old Halloween costume…

**#10: Dress up like a tree and stalk him through a desert!**

Itachi trudged through the horrible heat, beginning to get annoyed by the fact there was a tree. Just one. That seemingly followed him everywhere. At one point, he thought he was loosing his mind, he'd thought the tree just spoke. "Hey! Itachi-kun!"

"Huh?" He turned and studied the tree for a moment. He figured that he was just dehydrated and took a few mouthfuls of water from his canteen. Everything was going fine after that until Itachi felt something tap his shoulder. "Itachi-kun! Wassup!" It was the tree. A shrill sound rang through out the sandy desert. The sound? Itachi screaming like a little girl. The horrid sound continued for about five minutes until the tree whapped him over the head with one of its arm-like branches. "Shut your mouth before I rip it off!" Itachi (finally!) realized that the voice from the tree was Rizu's.

"Rizu-sama? Why the heck are you here?"

"Because I enjoy dressing up like a tree and stalking people through a hot desert without food or water for 5 hours, why else?" She said sarcastically.

"Really?" He asked. Stupid question. _ 'Must be the heat getting to his brain…' _Rizu thought.

**#11: Set him on fire…?**

"Hey, Itachi-kun!" Rizu skipped out from behind his couch.

"Rizu-sama? How did you get behind there?" Itachi asked while eyeing the piece of wood Rizu was holding and wondering if she would try to hit him with it.

"That's my secret. Anyhow, That is not what I came here to discuss with you!" He looked at the wood again. "I wanted to know if you could hold Chuck."

"Chuck? Who's Chuck?" The kunoichi held out the wood proudly.

"_This_ is Chuck!"

"Um…I guess I could hold him…" She smiled, huge and creepy.

"Thanks!" She thrust the block of wood into his arms and began to light a sparkler to play with. _'Oh shi-' _the lit match in her hand slipped and flew onto Chuck, who caught Itachi's Arorcrombie and Fitch T-shirt on fire, that spread to his shorts, that ignited his hair.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! AHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!" Rizu rolled on the ground, laughing, watching him scream in pain. The teenage girl kept laughing until the Uchiha genius fell to the ground, unmoving. She crept over to him and poked his burnt-to-a-crisp nose.

"Itachi-kun, get up. The joke's over." He didn't move…it just so happens he was no longer breathing either.

"Itachi-kun! No! Why! Why! Why! WHY!" Rizu started to weep and cry and sob and bawl like a newborn. "Oh, please," She cried, looking at the ceiling, "If anyone is up there, please bring Itachi-kun back!" All of a sudden a bright light took over the room, momentarily blinding Rizu. When she could see again, a boy in a pure black robe was in front of her, arms crossed over his chest. "You called for assistance, did you not?" He asked. His fiery red hair flopped carelessly over one dark blue eye.

"C-can you b-bring Itachi-k-kun b-back?" Rizu asked shakily.

"For a price…"

"Name it."

"How about…your soul?"

"Um…how about a box of cookies and an Ipod?"

"Sure, works for me." Rizu tossed him said things and he poked Itachi with his magical finger of power and almightiness. Itachi got up, a little sore but otherwise unharmed. The boy who revived him stood triumphantly over him.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" Rizu caught the poor black clad boy in a death hug. Itachi growled at the boy.

"You, Hells Angel Boy, get outta here. And stay away from Rizu, Dammit!" He bellowed. The boy shrugged and disappeared. Before Itachi could even lie back down, Rizu glomped him and began to shout out her joy to the world!

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ALIVE YAY! YAY! YAY! I LOVE EVERYTHING!"

'_Oh God, why couldn't I have stayed dead…?'_

**#12: Drape a cloth over him and make him disappear! **

Rizu was clinging to Itachi's arm as they walked in the Akatsuki base, giving out an alarmed squeal when she saw anything that reminded her of fire. Itachi sighed for the 12th time that day. They walked into the room he and Kisame shared and Kisame was on his bed, nibbling a frozen fish stick. "Hey, Itachi…Chiklet." Rizu glared half-heartedly at the shark hybrid. She hated him calling her that. "Itachi." Kisame attracted his attention.

"What?"

"Think fast!" Kisame threw a blanket over his head and with a quick "Abra Cadabra, Alakazam!" Itachi was gone.

"Hey, Jaws, where did you send Itachi-kun?" Rizu asked. Kisame sniggered,

"Broom closet. It's down the hall. Let's leave him for a bit, though." Rizu smiled and watched '_What not to wear' _on TV…it was about 6 hours until Itachi busted out of the broom closet.

"WHY DID YOU GUYS LEAVE ME IN THERE!?" Rizu shrugged

"I sorta kinda maybe forgot about you." Itachi tried to strangle her, but was stopped by an electric shock that was suddenly sent through his body. The author is _completely innocent_, I swear! (Has her fingers crossed, ha ha ha…)

"…I'm going for a walk…"

**Well, I'm ending the chapter here. Sorry guys. I need sleep. A lot of sleep. Bye everyone! I love you guys 3 If you want me to continue this, review!**


	3. Here we go again!

Hi everyone! I'm back with the next chapter of ways to torment our (my) favorite Uchiha. I know I'm getting lazy about writing these things…please, don't be too harsh on me if this truly sucks. I'm going to take a chance and bring in a few other characters into this so, bear with me. Sorry if the names confuse you. It makes it so much easier for me if people have names. They're more for my benefit than yours and They probably won't appear after #13…except maybe for Kohana. Well… Here goes something…

**#13: Train bunnies to attack him!**

Rizu grumbled angrily to herself as she carried the huge rabbit down the steps. Her four brothers were already waiting for her at the bottom of the stairway. They were holding two rabbits in each of their arms. The soft creatures' big eyes and pure white fur said _'innocent angel'_. Yeah, right. These bunnies were specially trained to rip people to shreds on command. These bloodthirsty rodents belonged to her younger sister, Kohana. Unfortunately, Kohana was not home at the time so; Rizu, Ryuichi, Yasuo, Taku, and Kanaye were left to deal with them. Ryuichi, the oldest of the 5, sighed softly.

"I say we kill something with them! While Kohana is out, once in a lifetime chance here!" Kanaye told his siblings. Taku brought a fist to his little brother's head.

"Baka, Kohana will kill you for messing with her rabbits." Yasuo, being the peacemaker of the group, put his arm between his brothers before they decided to drop the rabbits and make each other into confetti.

"Come on. We promised Kohana-Chan that we would train her rabbits while she's away. Let's not kill each other in the process."

"Anyone have an idea where train them?" Ryuichi asked. His blue eyes glanced from face to face until Rizu spoke.

"I know a place…but it would get us pummeled, more likely than not." Her brothers shrugged. Well, best as they could with squirming bunnies in their arms.

"Who cares, let's just get this stupid task over with!" Kanaye said defiantly. Rizu rolled her eyes at the boy. He was two years her junior, but thought her could take on an army of ANBU. Without another word, the girl led her brothers to Itachi's house.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._ "Yes?" Itachi answered. They must have woken him up. His hair was sticking up every which way and he was only wearing a pair of boxers with kunai print. Rizu recognized them as the ones she got him for Christmas once. He looked at his best friend and tried to stifle a yawn. "Rizu-sama…its you…." He mumbled and turned away to walk back into his house, giving the silent OK for them to follow. Rizu's brothers put the bunnies down on the floor. Itachi was sitting on the couch with Rizu, sipping some tea absentmindedly. His left arm was slung around the couch above Rizu's shoulders. Kanaye started to get impatient. _'Come on! Come on! Rizu-nee-Chan! Give the signal!'_ Just then, Rizu's middle and pointer finger twitched so that only Taku caught it.

"_Iku_." Taku said softly. The bunnies flew into a rage, chewing everything in their path. Everything included Itachi. He screamed.

After two minutes of Itachi fighting off little white demonic bunnies, Ryuichi mumbled an "_Ii_…_tomete_." The bunnies hopped happily back to Rizu and her siblings. Itachi sat twitching on the floor. His body was covered in scratch marks and tiny bleeding bites. Yasuo, Ryuichi, Kanaye, and Taku left, homeward bound and called for Rizu to follow. She did, glancing one last time at Itachi. Later, she came back with a first aid kit and forced him to stay still while cleaning his wounds. After about a million apologies, Rizu told Itachi to get dressed and come over for pizza.

**#14: Put him up for sale on Ebay!**

Rizu helped Itachi limp through the door of the house she shared with Kohana and her brothers. Kohana was sitting on Rizu's bed, reading a purple and black book. Her face was amused, almost on the edge of laughter. Not that it wasn't strange enough that Kohana was in Rizu's room, but that book she was holding…happened to be Rizu's diary. Rizu's face heated up and Itachi took a few limps away. Kohana looked up at her elder sister quizzically. "Wow, Rizu-nee-chan…I didn't know you felt that way about Deidara-san!" Rizu blushed. Itachi's face paled, yet darkened at the same time.

"What did she say?" He asked Kohana sharply.

"Nothing. It's time for Kohana to get out of Rizu's room. Good-bye." Rizu said as she quickly plucked the book from Kohana's hands and shoved her out the door. The girl rubbed the back of her neck shyly. "Sorry 'bout that." She waited and counted down the seconds in her head…_'5…4…3…2…1…'_

"WHAT DID SHE MEAN ABOUT YOU AND DEIDARA? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? THAT'S DISGUSTING! THE GUY HAS MOUTHS IN HIS HANDS! HOW COULD YOU _LIKE_ SOMEONE LIKE THAT!? YOU ARE SO _CRUEL_ JUST LEADING ME ON LIKE THAT! NOW I KNOW WHY EMOTIONS ARE STUPID! I FINALLY UNDERSTAND MY OWN WORDS NOW! I-" Rizu cut off his rant by pushing her fingers to his lips and glaring. When he was quiet, she sat at her computer desk and calmly told him to go get some pizza before it was gone. While he was eating pizza with her brothers, she decided to make him pay for his outburst…

**Item up for bid: Uchiha Itachi. **

**Starting price: $25000**

Rizu sat on her bed and read _Eclipse_ until Itachi came back. He was still looking sulky; she couldn't wait to tell him he was for sale…

"You did WHAT?"

"I put you up for sale on Ebay. Have a problem with that?"

"Yes, in fact, I do have a problem with that." Itachi pouted.

"Hm, well, it doesn't matter anymore 'cuz you just got sold and I just got $55,000!"

"You seriously want me to go?" His voice quivered as he spoke. She looked at him emotionlessly. The Uchihas' murderer's face mirrored Rizu's expression.

"_Fine._" He spit out. He left, slamming the door as he left. Rizu smiled smugly to herself. _'He has no idea…' _

Itachi was just shutting himself into a box to be carried to God-knows-where to his new 'owner'. The delivery guy was really dorky. HUGE **THICK** glasses, a pocket protector with multiple pens sticking out, and a nasally voice. He put Itachi in his truck and after what seemed like hours, let him out at some weird cabin. The box was given to someone. It was a male by the sound of it. The box opened, letting the light come flooding in and blinding Itachi for a moment. Itachi sat up and looked around. Beside the box a guy sat on a chair glaring at him. The room was huge. Probably double the size of his and Kisame's room at the base. Itachi looked at the boy, "Who are you?"

"Sai." He answered curtly. It really sounded more like a growl.

"Um…ok…why am I here?"

"Because…Rizu-chan asked me to make you learn a lesson…but I don't feel like it! Go home!" With that, Itachi got out of the box and left.

**#15: Sell his baby pictures to the rest of the Akatsuki members!**

"Hey, Rizu-sama? Do you have any idea where all the baby pictures from my album are?" Rizu looked up from her spot on the floor.

"Uh-huh, Kisame has them…come to think of it I saw Deidara-kun with some too…and Sasori…and Tobi…Pein…Konan-sama…Kakazu…Zetsu…" Fuming, Itachi stalked off to find said people and when those above-named people started screaming for mercy…Rizu just laughed evilly. And then she counted the cash she made from selling the potentially embarrassing pictures to the poor suckers. Then she laughed like a deranged maniac some more.

**#16: Tell him Sasuke's chicken-butt hairstyle is cooler than his.**

"You need a new hairstyle…" Rizu grumbled pulling on a jacket while Itachi looked in the mirror.

"You really think so?" He asked uncertainly. Rizu nodded. Her hair was gathered into a neat ponytail on the side of her head, making her look like she was 10 again, instead of 16. Itachi fingered the ends of his short hair, **(If you remember #1, Rizu cut it.)** indecisive. He shook his head.

"No. I've come to like my hair this way."

Rizu snorted and rolled her florescent blue eyes at him, "Oh, please, Itachi-kun! Your little brother has a chicken's butt for hair and it's still cooler than your style!" Itachi froze.

'_Oh no. She did__** not**__ just say what I think she said…Sasuke's hair is __**so **__not cooler than mine!' _

"Itachi-kun…I could help you look cooler than Sasuke…" Against his better judgment, Itachi said "OK"…

**#17: Dye his hair blonde and draw whiskers on him!**

"Can I open my eyes yet?"

"One more thing…OK, now." Itachi cracked open his red eyes and looked into the mirror in front of him. Blonde…whiskers drawn on…oh. Crap. He looked like Naruto!

"Rizu! I thought you said you'd make me look cool! Not like a dead last!" He yelled. Rizu huffed and he regretted yelling and began to feel guilty. She turned her back to him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm sorry, Rizu-sama. It doesn't look _that _bad. Forgive me?" He asked placing a hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him.

"Well…I'm done sulking. You're forgiven, but just one more thing…"

**#18: Laugh yourself silly at him!**

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAROFLHAHAHAHHAHHALMAOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHLOLAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAROFLMOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!" Itachi just stood there while she laughed. She only stopped after her face turned blue and she couldn't breathe. "OK, I'm done." Rizu breathed out. Itachi gave her a look that clearly said _**'You're Crazy, I'm Tired, Good-Night'**_ and left to sleep.

**All right…well, there's the third chapter and I hope it didn't suck that badly. (Though, it probably did.) Hope you enjoyed. Oh, and I'd like to thank x-Orange.Neko-x for letting me use her list. I can't thank you enough, Neko-chan! I have a lot of fun writing these. I like to imagine the scenes in my head. I tried to make it funny, but I'm tired and the humor just isn't flowing as easily. As always, I accept **_**ALL**_** reviews! So, please don't hesitate to tell me what you think of this. I don't mind flames; they're really quite funny sometimes. **

**Lotsa love, **

**TeardropsOfAnAngel (Lizzy) **


	4. Another chapter Lovely

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone or anything except for Rizu and the methods of suffering Itachi endures. Neko-chan owns the list that I use to make Itachi's life miserable.

_**DEDICATIONS:**__** This chapter is for my cousin, Jason who just got married on Saturday, October 6, 2007! Congratulations Jason and Laura!**_

Here I am! Back with more ways to torture poor Itachi-kun! YAY! I know I have a lot of OC's and some people get annoyed by that. I just happen to like OC's is all…Oh well! This chap will have more of Kishimoto-sensei's characters in it! Well, here I go again, ranting my head off…OK I'm a windbag so I'll just let you guys read now! Enjoy!

* * *

**#19: Grope him and act gay…**

"So…If I pretend to be gay…you'll give me $50?" Kankuro asked uncertainly.

"Pretty much, yeah." Rizu answered, "So, will you do it?" Kankuro nodded. Rizu pulled $25 out of her jacket pocket and put it in Kankuro's hand.

"Half now, half later." Kankuro nodded again and departed. Rizu snickered to herself. "Sucker…"

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE censored!?!?" Rizu heard Itachi scream from across the country. "Get the censored off me!!!" There were a few muffled screams of agony and some sickening snaps then a, "BURN IN HELL!" from Itachi. Rizu laughed again.

Just then, Itachi appeared in front of her, rocking back and forth in fetal position, chanting, "There's no such thing as gay men. There's no such thing as gay men. There's no such thing as gay men. There's no such thing as gay men. There's no such thing as gay men." Rizu poked him with a random senbon.

"There's no such thing as gay- Ouch! Rizu-sama!" Rizu smirked at the pain she'd inflicted and then smiled. (Someone's being a sadist…)

"Come on. Get up. Let's go to my house. I'll cook dinner." She extended her hand and let him pull himself to his feet. Then they walked into the sunset, hand-in-hand, had 12 kids and lived happily ever after. …I'm just kidding. Actually, Rizu burnt dinner so they went to Pizza Hut instead.

**#20: Casually mention Orochimaru is prettier than he is! AND! #21: Hide his coffee maker!**

So, it was Monday and Rizu was sitting next to Itachi on his sofa while watching the news when something about Michael Jackson came up.

"You know," Said Rizu, "Michael Jackson is almost like Orochimaru…"

"Now that you mention it, I _do _see what you mean." Itachi replied, popping a grape into his mouth.

"Orochimaru is pretty. Prettier, even, than you."

"WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! YOU HATE MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi ran away into what he thought was his room. It was actually Tobi's room.

"Itachi-sama play with Tobi?"

"Oh, God!" Itachi ran out of the room as if it were full of clowns.

"You know I'm just kidding right?" Rizu asked once he sat down. He just childishly ignored her and pouted for a while. Rizu got up and played with random items she found in his kitchen. When she came back she was grinning broadly.

"What did you do?" Itachi asked.

"Nuttin'" She replied, the grin still in place. Obviously not believing her, Itachi went to check on the damage. The only thing out of place, was the coffee maker…well, he couldn't even _find_ it.

"Rizu-sama…? Where's the coffee maker?" Rizu shrugged and took a sip out of a large blue-raspberry smoothie.

"I dunno."

"…And is that my smoothie?"

"Yep."

"………………"

"Don't just stand there! Go find your precious coffee maker!" So it happens, Itachi never did find his coffee maker…poor guy. He then suffered from CWS or caffeine-withdraw-syndrome. Don't worry, though. He'll be fiiine…I think…hopefully…

**#22:****Scatter voodoo dolls of him all over the place with hundreds of senbon and kunai stabbing them.**

Rizu and Itachi walked into Kohana's room to get some crayons so that they could color in Itachi's new coloring book (My little pony edition!). Rizu went to Kohana's desk to grab the pencil box of crayons.

"Oh my God! What _is _this!?" Itachi wailed. Rizu turned around to see him holding a mauled ball of fabric and stuffing that looked suspiciously like him.

"Um…A voodoo doll of you?" She guessed, noticing that there were multiple others scattered about her sister's room. All of these little voodoo Itachi's were stabbed/mauled/poked/ripped/torn to shreds/blown up.

"B-but why would Ko-kohana w-want to do this t-to meee!?" Itachi cried out.

"What the heck are you two doing in my room?" The two ninjas turned to see Kohana in all her 10 year-old glory. By the looks of it…she was really PO'd.

"Err…um…_run_." Rizu and Itachi bolted from the room before Kohana got the chance to get her demon bunnies to attack.

"How-do-you…Live. With her?" Itachi panted once they were safely inside the protective bars of Taku's room. Why Taku had prison bars installed over his window and doors? We don't know. The last time someone asked…let's just say that that certain person was found stuffed inside a file cabinet the next morning. Taku can be veeeerryy violent…

"Well, my strategy is called _'Do everything possible to stay out of her way and avoid pointless conflict'_" Rizu smiled and the 18 year old guy and the 16 year old girl began to color a picture of My Little Pony…

* * *

**So…yeah…I think Itachi is rubbing off on Rizu…She's getting more sadistic each chapter. I stayed home sick today so, that gave me time to type this up for ya'll. I hoped you liked it and as always, _all reviews are welcome_. Thanks for reading!**

**Lotsa love,**

**TeardropsOfAnAngel (Lizzy)**


	5. I'm out of creative titles

**Hi there people . I know you're all just so overjoyed to see that I'm back::Crowd Boo's:: Ah, Shuddup! You should be proud of me! I'm getting a B in social studies **_**and**_** English! **

**Ukimi-chan: But you're failing math…**

**Shut up! Now, on with the story! **

**Just a few quick notes: Deidara does not go "Un" or "Yeah" as that is very annoying. Also, Deidara has 2 arms, people! **_**2**___

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto because if I did…God help all who watch it.**

**#23: Shove a cake in his face!**

"Itachi-kun," Rizu's sapphire blue eyes stared into his red ones, "Do you want any cake? I made it special for you." Itachi just glared hard at her. He still hadn't forgiven her for shaving his dolls' **(Itachi: They're collectables!)** heads, insisting that their hair will 'just grow back'. Rizu had tried to make it up to him but so far, nothing had worked.

"Come ooon!" Rizu whined. "Just try it!"

"Don't push your luck Rizu." Rizu pouted like a five year old before hurling the fresh baked cake into his face. That would have been funny but…

"Good Lord! There are lemon warheads in here!!!!! They buuuuuurrnnnn!!!!!"

'_Hmm…I forgot about them…' _She thought whilst tapping her chin, trying to remember what else she might have added in to spice it up.

"Is that a safety pin?!!??!"

"Oh, so that's what that thing was!" Ok, so maybe Rizu jazzed up the recipe a bit. OK, a lot. Her little brother, Kanaye, helped her make it. He just might have added a few drops of hot sauce. _'Oh, well. At least he won't be angry about the doll thing any more.'_ Keep telling yourself that Rizu…

**#24: Offer him cat food for dinner!**

"Ryuichi-onii-san! Yasuo! Taku! Kanaye! Kohana! Mom! Daddy! Itachi-san! Deidara-chan! Dinner is ready!" 9 people came in a rush down the stairs. Rizu's cooking was great, only her baking skills needed some (a whole freaking lot) of work. Ryuichi sat next to Yasuo who sat next to Kohana who sat next to Deidara who sat next to Rizu who sat next to Itachi who sat next to Rizu's dad who sat next to Rizu's mother who sat next to Kanaye who sat next to Ryuichi. (It's a round table.)

"I made something special for everyone!" Rizu chimed. "Ramen for Yasuo, Tacos for Kanaye, steak for Daddy, spaghetti for Taku, omelet for Mom, A salad for Kohana-chan, Play-Doh for Deidara, and cat food for Itachi!"

"What? Cat food!" Itachi exclaimed.

"Yep."

"And really, Rizu-hime, Play-Doh?" Rizu nodded at the blonde man. He heaved a sigh and leaned back. Itachi, on the other hand, would not touch the…fishy substance on his plate.

"I'm not hungry." He told her.

"Itachi-san! I made it just for you! Come on!" She whined.

"I said I'm not hungry…"

"But-"

"Rizu, Darling, if Itachi-sama doesn't want to eat it then don't make him." Deidara told her.

"But-"

"Rizu."

"Deidara."

"Rizu."

"Deidara."

"Rizu."

"Deidara."

"Rizu."

"Dei-never mind this is stupid."

"Yeah…"

"Anyways!" Itachi interjected, drawing the attention back to him, "I don't want to eat _cat food_. Hear that, _Cat food_.Not _Itachi food_."

"That's funny," Kanaye said, "You look like a cat to me."

"I. Hate. All. Of. You."

**#25: Send him a love letter from Kakashi. **

"ITACHIIII-SAAN!!!!!! I GOT YOUR MAIL FOR YOU!!!!!!!"

"Rizu-sama, I'm right here…"

"Oh, heh, heh, right…anywho, here you go." Rizu passed him a small stack of mail. Itachi rifled though them.

He got a postcard from Hidan, who was in the mist village, his dry-cleaning bill for his cloak, four death threat letters from Sasuke, and a letter with no return address. He gave it a quizzical look, though it could not see him, being an inanimate object and all. He opened it carefully. His eyes scanned the paper.

"Um…Rizu-sama…I can't read this…could you…?" Rizu nodded and pulled the sheet of paper form his hand.

"Ahem…

**Dear Itachi,**

**I know that we are but minor acquaintances, but I feel that that fact should not stand in the way of my love for you! You are the one joy in my dreary life! My light in the darkness! I just want to hug you and squeeze you and hold you tight! I want you to be mine forever and ever and ever and always! I'll wait for you forever, Itachi-kun! I love you!!!**

**Love,**

**Hatake Kakashi.**"

"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………………………..……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………."

"Well…that was…?"

"Disgusting? Repulsive? Ghastly? Nauseating? Revolting? Horrible? Sickening? Appalling? Shocking? Sordid?" **(Wow, I know a lot of synonyms for Disgusting O.O)**

"Yeah, what you just said."

"And if you'll excuse me, Rizu-sama, I must go murder a certain copy-nin."

"Have fun…" Itachi then, _'poofed'_ away to God-knows-where. "Heh, Kakashi-baka is going to get his butt kicked all the way to Oto…"

**#26: Paint pink flowers on his cloak!**

"Lalala di da de di da lala la la la loo lee la de do da di di da doo!" Rizu hummed merrily. (When Rizu starts to do something merrily, it's best to vacate the area immediately.) She dipped her paintbrush back into the blob of pink on the piece of cardboard. She heard the faint sound of her window sliding up and the click as it came back down. She turned her head to face the handsome person who just came in the room.

"Hey, Itachi-san." Itachi inwardly cringed at the lack of the –kun suffix.

"Rizu-sama." He said in response. "What are you doing?"

"Painting."

"So I see." He glanced at the cardboard that held her paint, "You're using pink."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"But you hate pink…"

"And the _Understatement Of The Day_ award goes to Itachi!"

"Shut up…What are you painting, anyways?"

"Take a guess. It's black, white, and red all over."

"A penguin with sunburn? A newspaper? A skunk with a rash?" He guessed.

"Nope…I'll give you a little hint. You wear it on missions and I always take it…or set it on fire…or damage it in some other way…"

"Um…my favorite shirt?"

"You still haven't gotten over that, have you?" She asked.

"How could I? That was tragic!"

_Flashback!_

Rizu was whistling 'Dearest' and doing the laundry at the Akatsuki base. She did this every Thursday. The Akatsuki men were slobs, Zetsu being the only exception. She was just throwing random items of clothing into the washing machine. She was half-asleep because she was forced to stay up all night playing Go-fish with Itachi, Tobi, Kisame, and Deidara. Those four really get serious with their kiddy card games. Every time someone won, the others would call out "Rematch!" and it would start again. So, she was just dumping in the detergent when Hidan walked in and wordlessly tossed his bloody cloak at her. She put it in the machine with everything else and turned it on. When the wash was done, she took out all the cloaks. One thing was weird, though. She couldn't find Itachi's favorite white shirt. She clearly remembered putting it in there. She ruffled through the pile of clothes and cloaks until she found a terribly discolored shirt. It was an off pinkish-gray with a splash of yellow on it. Rizu muttered a swear word and swung around to close the door before anyone saw what she'd done. This only resulted in her spilling the open bottle of bleach all over the shirt, which as of then was a bluish-pinky-gray.

"_Hey, Rizu-sama!" She heard Itachi's voice and cussed again. "Is my shirt…" He stared at the oddly stained piece of clothing in her hands "…Dry yet…" She smiled at held it up giggling nervously. _

"_Heh, heh, sorry."_

End Of Flashback 

"Yeah, anyways…"

"So, what is it that you're painting?"

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"No."

"Oh, well, it's your cloak." _Thud._ "Itachi-san?" No answer. "Come on Itachi-san. Gettup. Fine. Whatever. Be that way. I think my pink flowers look pretty!"

**Okay, Okay, I know you people probably hate me now. It took me a while to write this because my sense of humor is not healthy as of lately. I hope you guys didn't hate it too much…Well, just tell me what you thought. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows. And I, for one, LOVE marshmallows. So, go ahead! Click the review button! It doesn't bite…much.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-TeardropsOfAnAngel (Lizzy)**


	6. Sasuke, Rizu, and Itachi's singing

**I am sad to announce that this is the last chapter of 'Some fun ways to torment Itachi'. I'm going to make this as funny as possible and cut out all sympathy Rizu might have towards Itachi. This should be fun. Once again, I want to thank x-Orange.Neko-x for being so awesome and letting me use her list. I hope you enjoy this chapter! **

**Disclaimer: Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Sasuke, Captain Curt, Zetsu, Kisame, Otogakure, Tobi, Deidara, Itachi's eyeliner and the technique of Chidori all belong to their respective owners.**

**#27: ****Record him singing 'It's Rainin' Men' by Geri Halliwell in the shower.**

"The Humidity's rising. The barometer's getting low. According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men." Itachi's deep voice bellowed out. (How weird…) "It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen."  
"What the heck?" Rizu moaned. She pulled herself out of the bed and made her way to where the sound was coming from. Itachi just kept singing.

"It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen.

"The Humidity's rising. The barometer's getting low. According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men." Rizu was really, really scared. Itachi isn't supposed to sing in the shower. He's an Emo, A class, S-rank criminal, for Pete's sake! But yet, he was singing. Thus, Rizu was currently having a panic attack.

"It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna get myself (yeah) Absolutely soaking wet. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Every specimen. Tall, blonde, dark and lean. Rough and tough and strong and mean." 

Suddenly, Rizu had a thought! It was a miracle! She pulled out a little tape recorder she used to tape herself a list of things she needed from the store. **The TV **_**made**_** her buy it!**

"God bless Mother Nature. She's a single woman, too. She took over heaven and did what she had to do. She taught every angel to rearrange the sky. So that each and every woman could find the perfect guy." Sneaking quietly to the bathroom door. She hit a button on the miniature device. And waited…  
Later, Itachi was out of the shower and dressed. He was no longer singing…thank the Lord. He was back to his stoic self. He heard a few other people laughing from the next room. He went in to investigate. Deidara was sitting on the sofa with an arm draped around Rizu's shoulders. On the chair opposite them, Tobi sat, laughing. Konan and Pein stood in the shadows and Itachi could hear Konan's light, airy giggle and Pein's deep chuckle. Sasori has a smirk planted on his lips. Itachi walked in and Rizu sighed.

"Okay, party's over guys…" There was an 'aw' from Tobi, but no one but Deidara said anything else.

"Hey, Rizu, let's let Itachi listen to the magical tape…" He said, smiling his little devil smile. He hit the play button and let the music play. Itachi stood in shock as his voice floated out over the room. He coughed then said, after a long, awkward silence,

"Well…I'm going to…go on a mass murdering spree, now…" He walked away for the group.

"Have fun!" Tobi called after him. Deidara looked at Rizu.

"Hundreds of people are going to be slaughtered because you taped his singing, don't you feel bad?"

"No, not really."

"…………."

"What?"

**#28: Play it on the stereo. **

"_According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen. The Humidity's rising. The barometer's getting low. According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna get myself (yeah) Absolutely soaking wet. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Every specimen. Tall, blonde, dark and lean. Rough and tough"_

"Would you turn that CRAP off?!" Itachi yelled over the full-blast volume of the stereo. Rizu cocked an eyebrow at him.

"WHAT?"

"I SAID, WOULD YOU TURN THAT CRAP OFF!"

"I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK LOUDER!"

"**WILL YOU PLEASE TURN THAT CRAPPY MUSIC OFF!?**"

"**SORRY, IT DOESN'T GET ANY LOUDER THAN THIS!**"

"**TURN IT DOWN!**"

"**BUT I HATE CLOWNS!**" Itachi smacked his forehead.

"_**YOU KNOW WHAT? TURN THE MUSIC UP AS LOUD AS YOU WANT! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!**_" with that, Rizu turned the music off.

"If you wanted me to turn the music down then, why didn't you just tell me to?"

"Wow."

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just that I find it astonishing how someone as dim as you can create such convoluted tactics to aggravate me to the verge of utter psychosis." Itachi felt proud of himself for using so many big words and was hoping Rizu heard him. But, unfortunately for Itachi, Rizu had been busy putting stickers on her dog, Chiganata.

"There, now you look so pretty, Chiga-chan!" Itachi then had a seizure and had to go to the nearest hospital.

**#29: Flush his eyeliner down the toilet!**

After Itachi was released from the hospital, he put a paper bag over his face. Why? Because while in the hospital, Kisame had failed to bring him his eyeliner. And without his eyeliner, Itachi felt that he was as ugly as that Capitan Curt guy from Star Trek. So, while Itachi's 'Capitan Curt' face was in the bag, he could not see and if you cannot see, you cannot hop through trees without getting hurt. _Bam._ "OW." _Bam._ "Ouch!" _Bam. _"Good Lord!"

Finally, Itachi made it back to the Akatsuki base alive, although he endured a few cuts and bruises. He was sure his face looked even worse than that dog crap that Zetsu stepped in last week, now. Stepping into the building/base/house/thing, Itachi called out, "Rizu! Are you here?"

"In the bathroom!" Itachi walked to the bathroom door, making sure to rip an eyehole in his bag so he wouldn't look like a moron stumbling around. Rizu was in an overly fluffy bathrobe, combing her damp hair. "Hiya, Itachi. How are you feeling?"

"Since when do you care?"

"I don't. I'm just trying to be courteous!"

"Right…" He mumbled, "Anyways, where's my eyeliner? I _need_ it."

"Oh…it's right…_here_."

_Plop._

"The hell! Why did you do that?" Itachi shouted irately.

"Because I wanted to." Itachi looked from his hand to his eyeliner, to his hand and back again. The toilet was dirty, because no one felt like cleaning it. Some wisps of black were rising in the water, making it look like someone forgot to flush. When Itachi went to reach into the foul water, Rizu's hand shot out and pushed down the silver handle. There was a strained sound of the eyeliner scraping the pipe and then nothing. Rizu looked delighted.

"I didn't actually think that that would work!" She looked at Itachi gleefully and skipped off to put glitter glue on Deidara's clay birds.

"…Rizu! Get the hell back here!" Itachi called, chasing after her with an objective to slaughter the girl. Then, as he closed in on Rizu, an electric shock jolted him into acquiescence. Rizu just stared at him oddly then, walked away.

**#30:****Tell him he's diagnosed with constipation ans piles.**

"Hey, Itachi!" Rizu screamed awkwardly. He stumbled down the stairs.

"Rizu…It is 3 in the morning. What could you possibly want?" Rizu held out a chart to him.

"Oh, right." She said, mentally slapping herself for forgetting about his partial blindness. She folded and unfolded the paper fretfully.

"There's no easy way to tell you this, Itachi…but you have _constipation ans piles._"

"Oh my God!" Itachi hollered. True, he didn't know what that was or even if it was a real disease, but it sounded deadly enough to him. That, and he'd been a bit mood-swingy from those anti-depression pills he'd been taking recently.

Itachi loped away from Rizu, on his way to Otogakure. After a few days of sleeping on the ground and enduring Mother Nature's fury, he arrived at the small village. He barged in a random door and was almost giddy at the sight.

His little brother was sharpening a blade. Sasuke's black eyes locked onto Itachi. Sasuke launched himself at his elder sibling and screamed, "I'm going to kill you!"

"That's what you said _last_ time. And look, I'm still alive!" Itachi taunted lamely. He dodged Sasuke and stood on his back.

"Shut up! I'll annihilate you this time! I swear it!" Sasuke's voice cracked on the last syllable of 'annihilate', going up 3 octaves and Itachi cackled.

"You're 15 years old and your voice still cracks! Foolish little brother," Itachi cleared his throat and continued, "I have been informed that I have a deadly disease and I wish for you to kill me before the disease does." Sasuke blinked.

"Um…are you serious? Because, like, I've been training for years trying to get the power to beat you in an all out fight after betraying my village, my friends, everyone who loved me to go live with a nutty snake freak in a shitty cave with no one to talk to and now you just come to me and politely ask me to kill you?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Oh…ok then." As Sasuke prepared himself to plunge a Chidori straight into his brother's stomach, a girl about his age came out from behind the open door Itachi had come through.

"Itachi! There you are!"

"Who are you?" Sasuke growled, angry that he was disturbed. Rizu looked at him.

"Oh, hi there, little boy! Itachi! You never told me you were a babysitter!" Rizu, to Sasuke's great annoyance, pinched the shorter person's cheeks roughly.

"Rizu…that's my brother…" Rizu got a weird look on her face and poked a finger at Sasuke.

"You're kidding…_this_ is Uchiha Sasuke, The Last Uchiha, The Uchiha Survivor?"

"Uh well, yeah."

"He's certainly not all that he's cracked up to be." Sasuke glowered at her. "Anyways, I came here to tell you something, but I'll let you finish what you're doing first."

"Thank you!" Sasuke exclaimed, frustrated.

"Er…tell me now, Rizu. I…won't be able to listen later…"

"OK!" She cheered, "I completely made up that thing about you having a deadly disease! Isn't that great?" Itachi looked at her and twitched. And twitched and twitched again.

"Does this mean I can't kill him…?" Sasuke asked unhappily.

"Sasuke no killy Itachi!" Rizu screamed girlishly. She sprayed both Uchihas with grape juice while screeching like a banshee.

"The hell! Cut that out!"

"Itachi, tell your crazy bitch to stop!"

"Rizu! Rizu! Stop that!" Soon, she ran out of grape juice and stared at them both blankly before plopping onto the floor and pulling out a jack-in-a-box.

"You two should go take a shower, or something; you're all sticky." With that, Itachi mumbled one last thing before following Sasuke to the showers…

"I hate my life…"

**And that, my friends, was the **_**last chapter**_**. Please don't cry! There will be a sequel if I ever decide to stop being lazy and type one up. I'm sorry this was a late update…I really am. I have no excuse other than I am lazy. (And I've been working on about 6 other stories as well.) I hope you forgive me and that this chapter wasn't terribly dreadful… I'll be sure to be more loyal to my other stories that need to be updated now that this one is finished. A great big, huge, substantial, massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Thank you SO much for all your comments. They made me feel exceedingly special! Also, thanks to anyone who has read all the chapters, sorry if my random stupidity caused you to go down any IQ points. I seriously love you people! (Err, in a friendly manner.) **

**-Tekii no aru tenshi**


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